Many of us know Olive Garden’s slogan When You’re Here, You’re Family. Well, I recently put that to the test.
The tables were wooden and nice to sit at. The chairs were also comfortable. The view wasn’t anything special, but there was a pretty cool looking van in the Walmart parking lot that had flames on its sides.
I was immediately offered wine, and after admitting I was underage, refused wine. If you’re going to offer me wine, please don’t rescind your offer. It’s common courtesy.
The napkins were probably the highlight. They were cloth and worked really well at cleaning the windows. One waiter told me I didn’t have to do that, but I insisted. After all, I like a good, clear view of parking lots. Who doesn’t.
Finally, it was time to order. I went with the pizza. The menu said I could pick four toppings, so I chose half portions of eight toppings. There were only seven to choose from, though, so I made one up. “…and blorgaspork.”
"Sorry? What is blorgaspork?"
"That’s your job to know, now isn’t it."
After a reasonable wait, my food arrived. It was a really good meal, not exactly overpriced, but not exactly underpriced either. It was just priced.
My waiter soon arrived and asked me if I wanted dessert.
"Steve," I said, "Have a seat."
"I have this business idea. And while I’m here, and we’re family, I was hoping you could give me a loan."
Steve tried to laugh it off. Like it was some kind of joke. I was offended and he could tell. “Steve, this isn’t a joke.”
Steve looked a bit nervous. I grabbed his hands and pinned them to the table. “Are we family or not, Steve.”
"Not in the literal sense…" said Steve. I wasn’t going to let him reason his way out of this one.
"Look, Steve. I cleaned your windows. Family does that for each other. They clean each others’ windows. Now, don’t you think I deserve that loan? We’re family, Steve, we’re family."
Steve handed me 13 bucks. “Thanks, Steve.”
"When he was dying, I said: ‘Moe, how am I going to live without you?’ He answered: ‘Take the love you have for me, and spread it around."
my heart just shattered
So this guy came into my work today.
He was the epitome of the slightly nerdy rich kid.
He said he liked the song that was playing.
It was some jazzy type song.
I think he half expected me to reply saying I liked it too.
What I got from everything he said and asked:
- He’s Arrogant. (Just by how he was talking to me.)
- He’s Cheap. (He rolled his eyes at spending $3.99 on a small cake for his mother. His MOTHER. If you are that unwilling to spend $3.99 on your mother when she probably bought that nice car you are driving, something is wrong.)
- He’s Egotistical. (He left the bag with his cakes on the counter by “accident” - when he really did it on purpose so that I would have to bring it out to him. Luckily I was cleaning so I didn’t even notice and he had to come back in and get it.)
I was already in a bad mood and this guy just made it worse. Thank goodness he said he was from out of town which means he most likely will never come in again.>
Cause there’s not a sound, a sound as loud as silence.
There’s not a blade sharper than a lie.
There’s not a low, lower than being the last one to know.
She’s your brand new start and I’m your fool.
There’s no whiskey stronger than the truth.